"Life is risky and can be detrimental to your health"
That should cover it.
Am I the only one getting a little too punch drunk with "Drama shock horror revelation - (insert latest bid for 15 mins of fame to suit)" ?
Yet another "health warning" in this mornings Daily Telegraph in the UK. Apparently Office Printers are the latest evil to beset mankind in its pursuit of the ultimate dream and happiness (17 out of 62 laser printer models apparently will cause severe illnesses "such as cancer"). Those wanting details, read this week's American Chemical Society's journal Environmental Science and Technology.
The final kicker for me came a while back when I picked up a packet, looked at the back for Product information, where it soberly declared that the product was likely to contain traces of nuts. As it was a packet of peanuts, I had already worked that out for myself.
After that I concluded the only safe method of living was to reside inside a sterile oxygen tent and be intravenously fed glucose via a drip, but problem with that was the needle would probably contain cancer inducing substances, and the bed sheets would be supplied from unsustainable resources sourced from a downtroden "Fouth World" country.
If I am the only one, feel free to dispatch those nice young men in their nice white coats, as clearly my condition is terminal."